The Great Escape

I was called a Cyberbully on facebook by John Edward or one of his representatives.  After making a couple of comments on a John Edward event page this was posted at the top of the page.  The comments made by some people on John's cyberbully name and shame post were really quite interesting and the fact that there was no context around the Cyberbully claim just goes to show that people will mindlessly follow anyone and judge you based on a simple comment like this. So, first of all, for those of you who are reading this, you would probably like some context. I responded to a post from a friend on Mr. Edward's event page for my city.  My comment simply suggested that my wife, who passed away in January, would not be pleased if I ever attended such an event.  My friend made a comment that he would do readings outside for half the price John was charging and I said I would get him to do my reading since he already seemed to be channeling my deceased wife (she was ve...

I started to attend a grief support group for people who have lost their significant other.  Last week's session was about anger.  Anger is one of the big 5 in the 5 stages of grief.  What I've learned about the 5 stages of grief is that you don't move through them like levels in a video game.  They come and go throughout your grieving and there is no prize at the end.  I guess the prize is that you find a way to survive. At the support group meeting we talked about anger and I can tell you that we feel angry about a lot of things but one thing I found interesting is that all of us in the group have felt anger toward other couples.  It's not that we are angry that they have their partner and we don't.  I thought I was the only one who felt this but maybe this is common for people who have lost their soul mate. Maybe I've always felt like this having been in love with someone who I cherished and someone who I loved and cared for very deeply every ...

Last night I had a dream.  Before it fades completely let me tell you about it. I was standing on a high set of stairs with a large group of people around in some sort of ethereal cathedral.  KB's Dad was standing at my left side and I knew that we were waiting for KB.  KB and I were getting married again and we were waiting for her to start coming down the aisle in front of us.  For some reason I felt warm and decided that I needed to take of my suit jacket and shirt and wrap myself in a cloak of some kind.  We waited for several minutes and then I saw KB coming around the corner wearing a beautiful deep blue dress similar to the one that she wore at our "earthly" wedding.  It was longer and flowing.  Even though she was walking she seemed like she was floating.  As she came into my view I could see that smile that I knew so well and I was incredibly happy.  Her blue eyes were sparkling and I was awestruck by how beautiful she looked. ...

I can't tell you how much I hate the title of this post.  I wish I could think of something better and I probably could but I stuck with "The Grief Journey" because it gave me a good opening line.  It's a good catalyst for getting my mind in gear to write about all of the things that piss me off about grief and since I don't plan out any of my blog posts I usually need something like that to get the thought flow started so I can shunt it to the keyboard.  But I digress.. Going through this grieving process I naturally look for support in various places and the Internet is all at once one of the greatest places and one of the worst places to find support and some wisdom.  Anybody looking for some help on the Net is going to have to wade through a bunch of broken heart images with poems overlaid and an endless stream of "organizations" that will tell you how to continue your relationship with your lost loved one and I'm sure they will also be happy...

Love, Chris

I haven't listened to Sarah McLachlan in about 10 years but I did own a copy of Mirrorball at one time.  Admitting such things publicly usually results in having your man card revoked but I would argue that real men don't need a card to prove their manhood and implying that listening one of the forces behind Lilith Fair is not a guy thing to do is just genderist... but that's probably a post for another day... Anyway, since KB died I don't think that I've really had the opportunity to grieve.  There were funeral arrangements and paperwork for the federal government, paperwork for insurance people, paperwork for KB's work benefits, banking appointments, endless phone calls, organ transplant discussions, the list goes on and on and on.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining even though the tone of the words that spew out when I tell people sound very much like complaining.  The truth is, I'm happy to do whatever I have to to make sure our ki...

The past 2 weeks (almost 20 days) has been a bit of a blur.  I wasn't sure if I would share this but the more I thought about it, the more I felt that it was important to share yet one more thing that I learned from my beautiful wife.  This is very personal to me and having had time to reflect on my life with KB and this letter, it is a very precious gift and I hope that those of you who read this can understand why.  KB had recently started to do some exercises that were meant to help stimulate creativity.  She wanted to really focus on developing her writing skills as it was something that she wanted to spend more time doing when we made the move out to BC.  One of her exercises was an unblocking exercise.  I'm not exactly sure what the unblocking exercise was all about but the Monday after KB passed away, I checked my mail and there was Christmas card addressed to me from someone right here in my own town.  I thought that was odd becau...