I Had a Dream

Last night I had a dream.  Before it fades completely let me tell you about it.

I was standing on a high set of stairs with a large group of people around in some sort of ethereal cathedral.  KB's Dad was standing at my left side and I knew that we were waiting for KB.  KB and I were getting married again and we were waiting for her to start coming down the aisle in front of us.  For some reason I felt warm and decided that I needed to take of my suit jacket and shirt and wrap myself in a cloak of some kind.  We waited for several minutes and then I saw KB coming around the corner wearing a beautiful deep blue dress similar to the one that she wore at our "earthly" wedding.  It was longer and flowing.  Even though she was walking she seemed like she was floating.  As she came into my view I could see that smile that I knew so well and I was incredibly happy.  Her blue eyes were sparkling and I was awestruck by how beautiful she looked.  She was like some kind of goddess.  Her skin was milky and soft and lips were a beautiful rose colour but it wasn't the look of lipstick it was just how she was naturally.  Her hair was straight and dark and almost glittering it was so shiny.  It wasn't long but it fell just above her shoulders.

I was in trouble because I was hardly dressed for my wedding.  I scrambled to get my shirt on and Jim helped me with jacket and KB slowly continued past us.  She looked over at me while I was trying to get myself sorted out.  She tilted her head slightly and said, "I Love You!".  I stopped my fumbling with buttons and instead stumbled to find my voice because my heart was stuck in my throat but I managed to say, "I Love You".

I'm not sure if the wedding actually happened because I woke up but somehow I managed to get myself to relax and fall asleep again and as I was drifting off I told myself that I needed to get back to that dream.  And I did.

When I got back to the dream the sun was setting and I was with KB in a garden.  We were talking and so happy to see each other.  There was a lot of hugging and kissing and I could feel her arms around me and how soft her lips were.  I told her that she looked so different and she just said that this was how I had always seen her and how she looked here had more to do with how I saw her and not how she looked when she was alive.  Then she introduced me to her mom and brother.  Joan could have been KB's sister.  She was young and beautiful and even though her smile was different than KB's you could tell it came from the same place.  She offered her hand to shake when we were introduced but I insisted on a hug.  As I hugged her she just said, "oh ok" and giggled then hugged me back just like a mom does.  Cullen was not a boy but a tall handsome man with a strong voice.  He looked slightly like KB's son.  He shook my hand and slapped me on the shoulder and said, "Thank you for making my sister so happy."  By this point I had tears streaming down my face because I was so happy.  Jim was standing there with us and I realized that he looked at least 30 years younger.

I asked KB why everyone looked so different than the pictures or how I knew them in real life and she just explained again that here it was no different than in reality.  How we see people and the world around us comes from inside of us and we can choose to see things as beautiful or not.  I asked her how long she could stay and she said that she was going to stay here until everyone was finished grieving.  I'm not really sure what that meant.  I really wanted to know how long she could stay in the dream with me and I had hoped it would be forever but she clearly meant something else.

I woke up again and this time my cheeks were wet with tears.  I wasn't sad.  The best way I can describe it was joy.  I felt connected to KB again and I was happy that I was able to tell her that I love her one more time and see that beautiful smile.  I was also happy to have finally met her mom and brother even it was only a dream.