Musings from the Cradle of the Mountains

As I write this I am currently on vacation in BC on the Shuswaps.  If you've never been here I really recommend it.  It's very beautiful and even though it may not be the same kind of relaxing as a hike into the back country, just not having to worry about carrying my cell phone around with me is a major stress relief.  In fact, unplugging from the connected world for a day or two can be relaxing in itself regardless of where you are.

This is an interesting trip for me.  This the type of trip that I would have taken with KB and last night she would have been so excited to see the lightning flash over the mountains and the thunder echoing throughout the valley.  Now, for me, that is an echo of her life and a reminder of the indelible imprint she left on mine.  As I write this I am surrounded by mountain and water. The sun is gently rising over the mountain peaks and spilling on the glassy water. I'm caught in the eddy of this moment. The world is still and I can't help but feel all at once everything that I've lost and gained in my life and the emotion is overwhelming.

I'm travelling with two couples and my two youngest children. My daughter has occasional bouts of panic when we lose our 4g signal intermittently. My son is normally quiet but he has had moments of excitement.  His first time driving a jet ski was probably a highlight. Being an introvert I think being on a boat with six other people for seven days is exhausting.  Also for couples, being in tight quarters for seven days can be a challenge.  Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of times when everyone is able to embrace the moments of peace and solitude but it's difficult to forget what troubles you may have or leave behind your daily routine without feeling somewhat lost.

I may not be normal in that I seem to enjoy leaving behind the routine and feeling lost for a while.  I think that as we go through the process of finding ourselves again we gain something as things come back into perspective.  We tend to see ourselves just a bit differently as we re-discover ourselves and we can come to terms with who we really are.  Maybe if we are really lucky we have the chance to make changes and become just a bit better than who we were...  It's possible that I just think too much.

What I've learned on this trip is that we all have something that haunts us and everyone has suffered something.  The degree to which we suffer is naturally subjective but we all know what it's like and we all have scars and stories to share. There can be beauty in suffering as well.  All of the scars and the stories behind them can bring people closer together if you are brave enough to share them.

It is very clear that I have some truly amazing people in my life who have been with me unwaveringly through the most difficult times.  Not only are they there to support me but they are there to enjoy the really great moments as well.  In fact they are often the reason for many of the great moments in my life. Maybe that's the point where friends become family.

In a few days I will be taking KB to a place that she loved and I know it will be emotional and difficult for me but it's even more difficult to not have her wishes fulfilled.  Songs and words come to mind but I don't know that I will be able to steel myself and let them flow with any semblance of elegance.  Regardless, I will be with many of the people I love.  This trip has shown me what an abundance of love and caring I have been blessed with.  I choose to recognize that rather than give into the anger that comes from thinking about what I've lost.  Love is not a gift that expires it will always be with you and it grows the more you embrace it.