The Last Letter

The past 2 weeks (almost 20 days) has been a bit of a blur.  I wasn't sure if I would share this but the more I thought about it, the more I felt that it was important to share yet one more thing that I learned from my beautiful wife.  This is very personal to me and having had time to reflect on my life with KB and this letter, it is a very precious gift and I hope that those of you who read this can understand why. 

KB had recently started to do some exercises that were meant to help stimulate creativity.  She wanted to really focus on developing her writing skills as it was something that she wanted to spend more time doing when we made the move out to BC.  One of her exercises was an unblocking exercise.  I'm not exactly sure what the unblocking exercise was all about but the Monday after KB passed away, I checked my mail and there was Christmas card addressed to me from someone right here in my own town.  I thought that was odd because I don't many people who would send me a Christmas card in January :-D.  When I opened it up I was surprised and very pleased to find that the card was from KB and she included a letter.  I can't help but tear up every time I read it.  I think it really gets me because it's the last communication I have from her and it's beautiful and makes me feel good knowing that she was happy.  Things like this were not out of the ordinary for KB.  Everyday, there was something that she did to show me she loved me.  The little things that she did seemed so small at the time but now all of the little things she did to express her love for me mean so much.

I know that this has been said in so many ways by thousands of other people before me and I know that I never really took it to heart myself (until now).  I heard the message and I understood but I never took the time to really feel it and internalize it.  Now, this message seems like the most important thing that people really need to know.  We have this tendency to pay attention to the big, flashy, expensive and prestigious things in life but all of those things are so completely empty and meaningless that today, knowing what I know, they are almost offensive in the way they try to overshadow the truly important things.

Now that KB is gone, all of the little things that she did to express her love for me mean the most.  These are the things that cause butterflies in my stomach, they are the things that stay in my heart and mind even though she's not here with me. They are the things that help me to feel connected to her in a way that not even death can take away.  I wonder how often we lack the courage to do the little things.  I wonder how often we try to shoot for the grandiose, extravagant and elaborate things to try and make an impact when those things are actually the easier and less meaningful things when life and death are factors in the equation.  For each of us, life and death are a constant and they are a reality for every one of us yet we don't factor them in when we are presented with opportunities to express our feelings to the people we love.

My greatest gift in this life was that I had found someone who lived for the opportunities to express her love and she did so with no fear or reservation.  You may never know how great a gift this is unless you are able to give it and receive it in your own life.

So, this is the last letter I received from my beautiful wife.  It arrived in my mailbox three days after she died.  My hope in sharing this is that we will all learn how important it is to pay attention to the little things in life.  Just a few minutes of her time, a few sentences and a stamp changed my life in ways that I simply can't express.