The Great Escape

Some of you may have noticed that I've been quiet lately.  There are so many reasons for that but that's something to discuss another day... The last few days I've been preparing myself for today.  Today is KB's birthday and I have been thinking about her a lot this past weekend.  Hot on the heels of our anniversary and Mother's Day today is just another day where my heart could feel lost because the person that I want to talk to, hold tight and kiss isn't here and won't ever be here again.  I've shared a lot of my feelings here and I thought that I had such a good handle on my feelings but as time goes by I have started to accept the fact that I have no control over my emotions and most days I feel more empty than anything else. But not today.  Today, like our anniversary, I feel an overwhelming feeling of love.  Even though she's not with me the love that I feel for her remains and I hope it never leaves.  It might seem strange to some and ther...

At Christmas time K.B. and I would watch Love Actually.   If you've seen the movie you know that Liam Neeson's character has recently lost his wife and at the funeral he makes a joke that his wife had asked him to take Claudia Schiffer as his date.  If you've ever watched a movie with K.B. you have probably also had to pause the movie to have a discussion about something the characters were experiencing.  As a result, K.B. and I discussed the topic of dating in the event that one of us should die.  I didn't expect that I would ever actually be in this situation but life has a way of throwing you curve balls every once in a while.  So to people who have said things like, "I'm sure K.B. would want want you to carry on with your life." I can say that she most definitely did want me to have a life should she die before me.  She was very adamant that she did not want me trying to "have a relationship with a ghost" as she put it (that was from our di...

Short and true. Thanks Robert Frost: Nature's first green is gold,  Her hardest hue to hold.  Her early leaf's a flower;  But only so an hour.  Then leaf subsides to leaf,  So Eden sank to grief,  So dawn goes down to day  Nothing gold can stay.

Last week I took a trip through Alberta and BC.  I wasn't on vacation but the opportunity to escape from my day to day was welcome.  Sometimes when I take these little trips I wonder if I'm running from something or running to something... or just running.  I'll figure that one out eventually. On my way back home I stopped in Waterton Lakes National Park.  Waterton is part of an International peace park and extends into the US with an incredibly vast number of trails and beautiful old, upside down mountains dotted with glacier lakes, streams and waterfalls.  I had always thought that it was one of the most beautiful places I had ever seen and felt so fortunate that it was a single day's car ride away from me. One of the gifts that KB and I received for our wedding was a night at a resort in Waterton where our friend Stephanie was working.  KB had never been to Waterton before but I knew she would love it and she did.  I wish I was able to take a pi...

As I write this I am currently on vacation in BC on the Shuswaps.  If you've never been here I really recommend it.  It's very beautiful and even though it may not be the same kind of relaxing as a hike into the back country, just not having to worry about carrying my cell phone around with me is a major stress relief.  In fact, unplugging from the connected world for a day or two can be relaxing in itself regardless of where you are. This is an interesting trip for me.  This the type of trip that I would have taken with KB and last night she would have been so excited to see the lightning flash over the mountains and the thunder echoing throughout the valley.  Now, for me, that is an echo of her life and a reminder of the indelible imprint she left on mine.  As I write this I am surrounded by mountain and water. The sun is gently rising over the mountain peaks and spilling on the glassy water. I'm caught in the eddy of this moment. The world is still and I...

I was really trying to keep myself from publishing another weepy grief post but today was one of those days where emotions got the better of me. Those of you who knew K.B.  know how much she loved the rain and especially when you mix in some thunder and lightning.  This morning was one of those days here in Saskatchewan where the sky opened up and let loose with all three.  Of course, this made me think of K.B. and how on more than one occasion we had danced in the rain not caring how wet we got because we were together and nothing else mattered even the fact that there was no music.  The rain may have been cold but love washes over you with a warmth that can't easily be abated.  It seemed odd (and fitting) that as the rain came down this morning and the memory of dancing in the rain with K.B. came to mind that Wynn Anne sent me a link to The Dance  by Garth Brooks. No matter how much I miss her today, I wouldn't have missed that dance for anything. ...